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Comforting your baby...
1. Bring your face close to your baby so she can see you.
2. Maintaining eye contact with your baby , speak quietly and calmly to her. It is not really important what you say to her, but do remember to use her name regularly.
3. Place a hand firmly on her tummy, keeping up the eye contact and still using a soft voice.
4. Hold your baby's arms very gently to her side, so that she can't wave them around.
5. Pick up your baby and cuddle her.
6. Hold your baby up against your shoulder, so that she can look around from there.
7. Help your baby to suck her fist or thumb or your clean fingers, or give her a pacifier
--reprinted from p. 28, Crying and Comfort by Eileen Hayes
CRYING AS COMMUNICATION
Crying is a baby's primary mode of
communication until language development. Crying not only gets
the attention of adults to help fulfill basic needs such as feeding
and diapering, but serves as a “proximity promoting behavior.” In other words, babies want to be close to
their parents. While you might worry that you are spoiling your baby, professionals agree there is
no risk of
spoiling a baby less than 3 months of age.
CRYING AS A DEVELOPMENTAL STAGE
Most babies will cry between 1 1/2
to 3 hours/day in the first three months of their life. The crying
peaks at about 6-8 weeks of age and is usually concentrated in the
evening hours. At 3-4 months
of age, however, daily crying starts to decrease by half.
During the first 3 months of life, 15-20% of babies will fuss or cry for
more than 3 hours a day. There are many theories as to why babies
may cry excessively, but none have been proven. To make matters more
perplexing for a parent, it has also been found that often, babies just cry
for no apparent reason at all. As Dr. Marc Weissbluth,
pediatrician and author, states “birds fly and babies cry” and this may well
sum up this developmental stage in a baby’s life.
REASONS FOR CRYING
Most of the time, babies cry for the following reasons:
 | Physical needs such as hunger, soiled/wet diaper, too hot or cold, illness or injury. |
| Emotional needs such as discomfort, insecurity, over-stimulation, tiredness. |
However, it should be noted that a Mayo Clinic study
found that babies cried for unknown reasons 35% of the time.
CRYING AND COLIC
In 1954, Dr. Wessel and colleagues provided what has continued to be our current definition for "colic." The definition was based upon the "rule of 3's"--crying that lasts more than three hours a day, more than three days a week, or more than three weeks. This rather severe form of infant fussiness or crying is sudden and predictable as well as worse in the evenings. Parents should be happy to know that in most babies, this condition gradually disappears by three months of age.
When soothing your crying baby, try not to combine too many activities at one time as this might over-stimulate them, which could lead to more crying. Some common soothing methods include:
1. Holding and cuddling your baby close to you. This could include using a baby carrier.
2. Stroking or baby massage
3. Swaddling (gentle wrapping) your baby in a blanket.
4. Playing soft music
5. Using white noise (such as the repetitive
sound of a washing machine, dishwasher, water
running, etc.)
6. Movement either in a baby swing, in a stroller, or riding in a car.
7. Sucking either a pacifier or help baby find
its own fist. The latter helps the baby learn
self-comforting skills.
8. Softly talking or singing to your baby.
YOU'RE FEELING FRUSTRATED, ANGRY, AND STRESSED
If none of these soothing techniques work and you are feeling frustrated, take a break by putting the baby safely in their crib for 10-15 minutes and leave the room. Try some of the following calming activities for yourself:
--If you feel like you are going to react to your
baby's crying, do some controlled breathing exercises.
--Draw a deep breath through your nose and count to 8 or 10, holding it for
the same count, and blowing
out your mouth slowly to the same count.
--Call someone close to you and talk about your feelings at the moment. Thoughts are just thoughts. Actions are actions. No one will judge you for sharing your thoughts at the moment that you're feeling frustrated.
--Ask a friend, family member, or neighbor to take care of the baby while you take a break.
--Exercise in another room
--Read
--Write your thoughts down in a journal. Journaling can be very healing and therapeutic.
--Call a crisis hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD)
WHAT'S A PARENT TO DO?
We all want to feel like we are providing the best care possible, but an inconsolable crying baby can make us have feelings of frustration, self-blame, inadequacy, and even stretch our tolerance for our baby. Others may also judge us if we cannot figure out why the baby is crying, which leads to even more anxiety. In addition, babies can sense our own stress or tension and that may well spur more crying. The first thing parents need to realize is that their feelings are normal. The second thing is to know that every baby moves through this period and if you are a parent with a plan prepared ahead of time, it can greatly ease their anxiety. Prepare your plan before you leave the hospital or at the latest by the time your baby is 3 weeks old. Stay in close contact with your pediatrician and be sure to have honest discussions about the crying and how it makes you feel. Your pediatrician should be able to provide information on support resources in your community. Some parents keep a "crying journal" to help them get a realistic perspective on the actual amount of time their baby is crying. When a parent is tired and frustrated, crying can seem endless. The journal helps to objectively look at the crying and it is also useful tool to share with your pediatrician.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
American Academy of Pediatrics. Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5
Barr, R. "The Normal Crying Curve: What Do We Really Know?". Dev Med Child Neurol 1990; 30:356-362.
Brazelton, T. Berry M.D. Calming Your Fussy Baby The Brazelton Way
Brazelton, T. Berry M.D. Touchpoints: Your Child's Emotional and Behavioral Development
Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, March 1994.
Brazelton, T. Berry, M.D. "Crying in Infancy. Pediatrics 1962; 29:579-588.
Hayes, Eileen. Crying and Comfort
Mayes, Linda C M.D. and Donald J. Cohen, M.D. The Yale Child Study Center Guide to Understanding Your Child
St. James-Roberts. "Distinguishing between infant fussing, crying, and colic: How many phenomena? " Lester, B and Barr R. (eds): Colic and Excessive Crying, Report of the 105th Ross Conference in Pediatric Research, 1997, pp3-14.
Weissbluth, Marc M.D. Your Fussy Baby
Wessel MA, Cobb JC, Jackson EB, et al: Paroxysmal
fussing in infancy, sometimes called "colic." Pediatrics
1954;14:421.