Realistic Expectations

INTRODUCTION

It is important for you to understand the stages of child development, but be aware that every child varies as to when they pass through these stages.  Having realistic expectations for your child based on their development is key.  Certainly there are some challenging days ahead for you and your child with crying, toilet training and temper tantrums.  Rest assured that your child will move through these developmental stages.   If you are concerned at any point, be sure to consult your pediatrician, who can provide information and resources along the way. 

TOILET TRAINING

The Academy of Pediatrics and the American Medical Association endorse starting toilet training between 18-24 months of age with some children showing readiness at an older age.  The decision to start toilet training should be based off your child’s readiness and their  individual  physical, emotional, cognitive, and language development at the time.  Talk to your pediatrician as well as ask yourself the following questions to get an idea if your child is ready:  

1. Can your child follow simple instructions?
2. Can they understand words that you might use about the toilet training process?
3. Can they control the muscles responsible for urinating/bowel movements?
4. Can they express a need verbally?
5. Can they go with a dry diaper for 2 hours or more?
6. Are they able to get on potty chair, sit on it, and get off?
7. Are they able to pull down training pants or underpants?

If your child is experiencing stress, it is always best to wait to start toilet training.  While there are a few websites supporting infant potty training for babies younger than 1 year of age,  studies indicate that children who start toilet training  before 18 months of age end up taking longer to be fully trained.  In addition,  keep in mind that children don’t typically achieve full nighttime control until 4-5 years of age.  Be sure to give your child time, understanding, and patience during  this process.

 Links--

Toilet Training and Bed Wetting (Medline)
Toilet Training Your Child 
Toilet Teaching Your Child  
Toilet Training (includes info. about special needs)
Toilet Training Preparation (Baby Center)
Toilet Training
Toilet Training Children with Special Needs
Potty Training Children with Special Needs
 

TEMPER TANTRUMS

Temper tantrums in children usually occur from 1-3 years of age and are a normal developmental stage that reflects a child’s inner struggle to establish his own sense of self.   Temper tantrums may involve:

--crying
--screaming
--body thrashing
--head banging
--breath holding
--breaking objects
--jumping up and down

Temper tantrums, especially in public, can be frustrating and embarrassing.  However, here are a few practical tips on dealing with them:

1. Be proactive and plan ahead so your child is not hungry, overtired, or anxious as these factors may contribute to tantrums.
    

2. Remain calm and if possible ignore the behavior.  Consider a “time out” for the child.  Remember that the child wants your attention in order to test limits and boundaries, so if you remove yourself as the audience it often defuses tantrums.
    

3. Try distracting your child with another activity.
    

4. If the tantrum occurs in a public place,  calmly take the child to a safe, private place where they can finish out their tantrum.  After the tantrum is over, empathize with the child that being so upset is terrible.
    

5. Some children will hold their breath during a tantrum, which can be frightening.  They may  even turn blue and faint.  However, the child will recover quickly and completely so remain calm so you don’t inadvertently reinforce this type of behavior.
    

6. If a child is unsafe through hitting, biting, kicking, or some other behavior, let them know calmly that it is unacceptable and will not get them what they want. 

Temper tantrums should decrease in intensity and frequency by 4 years of age.  If they persist or intensify after this age, consult your pediatrician. 

 Links--

What can I do about my baby's temper tantrum?
Home & Family:  Baby Temper Tantrums
Coping with your Baby's temper tantrum
How to Prevent a Toddler's Temper Tantrum
Infant Temper Tantrum?
infant temper tantrum
Tantrums
Taming Temper Tantrums
8 Temper Tantrum Survival Strategies
Temper Tantrums
Terrible Twos

BIBLIOGRAPHY

American Academy of Pediatrics, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5 2004, Bantam Books.

American Medical Association, Complete Guide to Your Children’s Health, 1999,Random House (New York).

Mayes, Linda C., M.D. and Donald J. Cohen, M.D. The Yale Child Study Center Guide to Understanding Your Child, 2002,  Little, Brown, and Company (New York)

Brazelton, T. Berry, M.D.  Touchpoints: Your Child's Emotional and Behavioral Development  1994.  Addison-Wesley Publishing Company (Massachusetts). 

Kim Kang
Copyright 2005